To be alive
by Bridge Over The Creek
Summary: Set in an AU where the battle of Beacon resulted far differently, the entire school has to live with the changes. Teams RWBY and JNPR suffer from the loss of dear friends, and as they grow, the realization of just how mortal they are begins to dawn on them. As Ruby proceeds into the rest of her life, she ponders the difference between living and being alive. Alternate4AU


Weiss hid her scrutinization of Ruby behind a bored expression, as well as her concern. She was used to Ruby being strange, however, Ruby was being particularly strange in that, thirty minutes through their ice-cream, not a bit had been touched and the dairy product was now more of a liquid than a solid.

She twirled her spoon around in the pink slush and stared vacantly into the swirls. From what Weiss could perceive, she didn't seem the slightest interested in it. Which troubled Weiss more than anything. An annoyingly pushy feeling was building in her gut, but she tried to ignore it. Consolation wasn't her forte.

With a troubled mind, Weiss spooned one last mouthful of french vanilla into her mouth and sat back in the red velvet chair. Unsurprisingly to her, the seating was just as lavish as the diner. They'd gone out late, despite it being the middle of the week, to a 24/7 gourmet diner because Ruby wanted company. Weiss hadn't hesitated to agree to joining her, but she had tried to sway her from her plans. To no avail, they'd ended up here in the end.

 _Moonlight Fall_ was its title. Weiss liked it.

Ruby's spoon clinked against the garnished glass bowl as she let go of it and propped her chin in up in her palm with an elbow. Weiss stilled her frown. What were oftentimes very bright, brilliant silver eyes now seemed unreadable and closed off. Before, Weiss could have told Ruby exactly what was on her mind. Now, it was as if there was a curtain obscuring the contents within.

"Weiss, what was it like?" Ruby asked quietly, not looking at her directly. Her face ashen, as if she was sick. Weiss really did frown, now.

"Elaborate, Ruby. Are you feeling alright?"

Ruby waved her hand dismissively. "When you realized for the first time that you have a loving and supporting family?"

Weiss blinked. Of course Ruby wasn't referring to Weiss' actual family. Or, perhaps, the Schnee's should be regarded as her pretend family. No, the brunette was talking about the rest of their team. If she had to be honest, she considered JNPR to be be part of that circle as well.

Weiss studied the nuances of Ruby's face. _She_ was a master of hiding everything she felt, little or monumental. Ruby? She didn't believe so. Other than her being upset over something, which was obvious, Weiss could garner nothing, though. Her lips, her eyes, the way her brows were flat neutral. There was nothing to see.

"It felt like I'd breathed fresh air for the first time in my life." Weiss said slowly. Ruby nodded and stayed silent. "I can't really say," Weiss continued, "anything other than it made me discover the person I was."

Ruby chewed her bottom lip. "You felt loved. Like the rest of us, you found your place, right?"

Weiss was a mixture of confused and unsettled. It was unlike Ruby to be so serious. Even when she was serious Ruby wasn't being serious.

"I did and I do." Weiss admitted truthfully.

Ruby nodded, put her hands in her lap, looked down at the table, and then, to Weiss' most heartbreaking surprise, began to quietly sob. "Then, why, Weiss, do I feel so alone?"

It was as if a brick had been slammed against her naked heart. Nothing Weiss could have done would have prepared her for Ruby breaking down in the middle of a diner. Without hesitation she scooted her chair away from the table and moved for her.

"Don't-" Ruby hiccuped, and held a hand out to stop Weiss' advancement towards her, "Don't touch me."

Weiss stopped, her hand half outstretched to touch her. Painfully she let it go limp by her side. "Ruby, do you want to go somewhere private and talk about this?" The brunette's shoulders shook with an explosive grief. With urgency, Weiss pressed her again to leave. "Ruby, c'mon. Shh, shh, let's get out of here." Weiss scanned the area; they were making a scene and the few late night stragglers were noticing.

Ruby seemed sensible enough to take not as well and, with a sobby yes, stood up from her seat. She kept part of her face obscured through her hair and the other half hidden from Weiss' view. Her crying was silent, but Weiss could still see the glistening tears that clung to the bottom of her jaw.

"It's okay. Come, let's go." Weiss encouraged her. With a gentle hand she took hold of Ruby's upper arm and lead her towards the exit. As a pair they stepped out into the quiet street, lit by streetlights and the multicolor luminance from store displays.

Ruby didn't shy away immediately from Weiss, and so the heiress took the opening to get closer and take hold of Ruby's wrist, instead. Ruby stiffened, but made no move to pull away. "Beacon?" Weiss asked her.

"No. I don't… Ah, I'm sorry, Weiss." She sighed, and with a nervous giggle, looked back at her with watery eyes. "We can go back to Beacon."

Weiss studied her face in the light and shook her head. "No, we'll go find a park and a bench. The night is warm enough."

Ruby looked embarrassedly at her feet. "M'kay. If it's s'okay with you."

"Anything." Weiss told her. Ruby hummed her thanks mournfully. Something pinched at Weiss' heart, and she wanted so bad to give Ruby the warmest of all hugs. However, she refrained from that, and instead she started south, away from Beacon and towards Sanctum Park, a memorial site for those who fought in the war, eighty years prior. At this time of the night it would be tranquil.

As they walked, and their boots clicked on the concrete, Weiss slowly began to feel Ruby's mood out through her aura. Thanks to proximity and familiarity with one another, the two had a powerful bond. What Weiss sensed was painful.

A loneliness so deep, vast and dark was gnawing at her partner like a hungry void. She could tell it was leaving nothing in its wake. Her hand unconsciously slipped down and grasped all of Ruby's fingers, of which she squeezed gently.

Ruby curled her fingers around Weiss' thumb, and they walked with their awkward hand hold in silence. For the life of her, Weiss could not imagine the source of this pain.

It was, she realized, reminiscent of her own. Or Blake's, for that matter. She and Blake had their reasons.

But what about Ruby?

Weiss stared up helplessly at the moon.

When they eventually made their way to the park, Ruby had seemed to collect herself and even get her aura back under control enough so that Weiss could no longer feel it anymore. She knew what was lurking underneath the shell, though.

As expected, the site was quiet save for the songs of nightbirds. As they walked the stone pavilion path, Weiss observed the shadowy statues of men and women peering down from their perches of honor and remembrance.

Vale truly was a continent of cultural wonder, she thought.

"Here," She said, and pulled Ruby to the side. It wasn't a bench, but the grass was good enough. She didn't really mind, washing her clothes was easy enough. Ruby was more her priority, who obediently followed her to sit on the ground.

The blades of grass brushed the smooth skin of her legs, their coolness welcome. Ruby sat beside her, though with her stockings likely didn't get the same sensation.

They sat in silence while Ruby agitatedly pulled out clumps of grass, tossing the torn blades to the wind. Weiss watched with mild attention as she let her mind wander to emotional landscapes. The very first time she'd realized she'd found her home far away from 'home'.

A small smile touched her lips. They'd been on a mission. A dangerous one. Every moment was electrifying and adrenaline pumped, and at some point, everything but their rawness was left. Gone was an heiress' upbringing, forgotten was Blake's aloofness, left behind was Yang's carefree attitude. Most of all, Ruby had dropped her childish glee, and wore nothing more than a fierce expression.

Through it all, they'd seen each other through. Cuts, bruises, broken bones. They'd fought their way out of that forest, and had come home heroes. A village saved and a nest of Grimm forgotten.

And when they'd all finished recuperating, they'd thrown a party.

And at some point through it, a connection had been made in her mind between her team and people who'd die for her and she'd die saving. After that, they'd always been a little closer, a little more tolerant of one another.

Perhaps, Weiss mused, Ruby more than the rest. Weiss pursed her lips.

Actually, perhaps Ruby had felt different.

A quick remembrance of Qrow brought an uneasy feeling to her gut. She knew the story.

She looked over at Ruby and felt a sorrow so profound for her that she couldn't stop herself. With one quick movement, Weiss leaned over against Ruby's shoulder and nuzzled her neck.

"Ruby, it's okay. I understand."

Ruby stiffened, leaned back into Weiss, and then began to sob once again. "I don't even know my mother, Weiss." She whispered, and Weiss said nothing. She felt the best she could do was be there.

That was all she could do.

Ruby let her grief by vocalized in small, mewling cries. Weiss wrapped an arm around her waist and held her, and Ruby bowled over and laid her head against Weiss' leg.

"Did you know that my uncle has never been sober since the day I met him?" Ruby mumbled. The vibrations tickled the flesh of her leg. "He told me once. A long time ago, when I joined my Signal. He told me he didn't even remember the last time he wasn't drunk. His sister… My mom. I guess it was too much for him."

Weiss rubbed Ruby's back with her free hand while her partner held onto her other arm as if it was a lifeline.

"I don't want to lose you guys, Weiss. I can't." She whispered, and Weiss felt the corners of her eyes become wet with moisture. "I-I love you, and Yang is my sister, and Blake is my best friend."

"You won't lose us, Ruby."

"We lost Pyrrha."

Weiss looked up at the sky, littered with uncountable stars. It was gorgeous, and should have been enjoyed by the two of them.

Instead, Weiss realized, as she began to understand Ruby's fears, they were passing it away by embracing the reality of existence.

In a world so full of bloody resolutions, there would infallibly be a point where the casualties would only pile up.

With a great weight now upon her heart, Weiss looked down at the quiet back of her partner.

"Ruby, look up at me."

The brunette leaned up, still holding Weiss' arm, and looked through her bangs. Her face was red and moist, and Weiss was quick to wipe a tear from her cheek with her finger. "You're right. We lost Pyrrha. We'll probably lose more, and we may lose each other," She said, placing her hand on Ruby's wet cheek. Her chest was tight with feelings so knotted together she couldn't even begin to sort them by category. "But we haven't. Not yet. And just because it could happen doesn't mean it's guaranteed."

 _I love you._

The words rang clear in her mind, but Weiss ignored them.

"We chose this life. We signed up for it with complete resignation to the future, whatever may come." Weiss continued, "All we can do is try to make it work."

Ruby brushed her hair from her face and pulled Weiss' hand away from her face. The heiress let her do so, and was somewhat pleased when Ruby cupped it with both her hands rather than dropping it altogether. "How, Weiss?" She asked quietly.

Weiss frowned and stood up. "Up, up." She insisted to Ruby, who did as told. "We just… Live, Ruby. We just live." She said. Not her greatest moment, speechwise, but the truth was undeniable.

Ruby stared back at her. Then, with a sigh, she said, "Let's go home."

Weiss smiled, and grabbed her hand. "You'll be okay, dunce." Her chest ached. A question burned on her mind, and a troubling thought crossed it.

What, exactly, was the mystery that was Ruby Rose? She was a dunce. A clutz. A fool of a leader but a brilliant fighter. A child.

And yet, tonight Weiss had witnessed Ruby display a maturity that shocked her and shook the way she perceived her. Gone was the child with no real understanding of the real world. In her place was a grown huntress.

 _I love you._

* * *

 ** _Buckle in for some angst, plot, romance and sad feelings. I promise, there is more to come. I hope you all enjoy._**


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